Who's diggin' deeper?

Do you desire to have a mate who is in love with you, more than you him or her? As a woman now in my thirties, I recall being an older teenager and listening to my father share little gems of wisdom with me about proposed standards I should have in a relationship with a future partner.  One thing I recall him stressing to me is to "Never be more in love with a man, than he is with you".  As with most of the relationship advice my father prematurely bestowed upon me in my youth, I never listened and while in my lifetime, my heart has been given to very, very few, I am certain I was on the over giving end and always more in love with "Him" than "Him with me", even if it started out in the opposite manner.  So now I wonder, as I'm sure many other women do, is it better to be with a man who loves you more than you love him? Does him loving you more create a better environment for your heart to reside in and trust?  Why would we need a man to love us more? Isn't love suppose to be about giving unconditionally and not about what's in it for me?

 

In my first marriage, I found myself not just in love with someone more, but with someone who did not know how to express love or receive love. I'd play them love songs, and do countless little and big things one does to express love but the acts were never acknowledged. I later found out that it was not that he loved me less, it was just that he never experienced such attention or affection. He could not wrap his head around it. I realized that he loved me more than I him, although my expression of love was magnanimous and so much greater than he could comprehend.  My current marriage seems to be a bit of a dance of "I love him more today and he loves me more tomorrow" and vice versa  - it all balances out somewhere in between.  Are we any happier if we're with a mate who loves us more than we love them? I'd like to think not, as my happiness with a mate is first defined by how I love him. The deepness and completeness of that love that feels like it wraps your soul up in the most comfy clothes on a cold day. Ultimately, there is no relationship if feelings are not mutual to some degree. I mean, if he does not love you, what's the point? But really, in a long term relationship with a mate, do we not get to a point where we need less to love more? Yes as women we want to continue to be courted and appreciated and loved, but his expression of love no longer recites the poetry of our own hearts and the daily script we play out with our mate to foster and nurture a harmonious and loving environment that turns our space with our mate into a blissful utopia. In my own opinion, I don't need him to love me more as I don't see how that makes the relationship better. I do need him to love me in the best way he knows how, and hope that he knows I'd do the same, in the best way I know too.  As to how we measure whose love is more or less? I am unclear and while being unclear, think our goal should be to love with the most passion and with our all, independent of whether your mate loves you more or less.  In the case of being with a mate who loves you more, is that really a conundrum to ponder? Does it matter who's digging deeper or just that we keep diggin' deeper together?

 

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